The anxiety of being liked

 ‎"Your post about Charlie Kirk isn't it at all"

‎This was the message someone sent to me after I posted a picture or Charlie Kirk with a simple caption

‎'Your voice will always be heard, RIP 🕊"

‎I opened the message, and what caught my eye first was that this person hasn't texted me since 2023. 

‎No hello, no hi.

Just straight to his opinion on MY post. 

‎Mind you, I post on that app EVERYDAY, and I have never seen a comment from this dude, not a message of encouragement, not a comment of support on a content I created or an article I wrote, nothing. 

‎But that wasn't why I felt my skin crawl in anxiety. 

‎I wanted to type that my opinion was my own and he could not tell me what was right or wrong, I wanted to ask him how a simple RIP post earned such a comment from him, 

IN MY DM,

I wanted so much to explain myself so I could be understood, I wanted so much to defend my stance, my post, my mind. 

‎But I did not. 

‎I simply closed the message. 

‎I dropped my phone and asked myself some questions. 

1. 1. ‎Why exactly did I want to defend myself? 
2.  ‎Why was I so anxious about someone disagreeing with me?
3. Why did it matter so much to me that my post was taken too far and a now 'stranger' deemed it fit to say something?
4. ‎And why was I feeling like tiny ants were walking all over me? 

‎Almost immediately, answers came. As if they had been waiting for an opportunity to finally escape the prison of denial they were in. 

1. Like Monica Geller said, "I have an uncontrollable urge to please everyone". I used to. But even as a recovering people pleaser, I still struggle with the thought of being disagreed with, because I want you to feel like I'm on your side. First answer. 
2. ‎Second answer was deeper. It was an esteem problem. I felt that I needed to defend my opinions vehemently otherwise I wouldn't be respected, or valued. 
3.  Third answer gave me shivers. Fear. This was tied to the second answer because it was a fear of losing people. Fear that if we disagreed on this, they would not find me worthy of being friends with or relating with. 

‎These were answers that had been rooted deeply in my core and needed to change.

The first step was to NOT respond to the message.

‎A person who wasn't my friend, doesn't engage my other content, hasn't said a word to me in three years wasn't deserving of a retort. 

‎But deeper than that, I felt the unsettling feeling of being 'attacked' for an opinion I had. In the past, very recent past, I would delete such posts because I thought perhaps i didn't have enough information to have that opinion, especially if many people disagreed. 

‎I once deleted a tiktok vidéo because most of the comments (and one stitch) disagreed with me, there was only one person who understood and agreed with me. 

‎I felt attacked and I felt that if I had more understanding, perhaps I would have the same opinion as the majority. 

‎But thinking of it now, that was cowardly. I strongly believed what I said, but a few (majority) disagreeing comments had me clutching the straps of my bra and questioning myself because I wanted to be agreed with. 

‎Eric wouldn't do that.

I look up to Eric Gugua.

And I thought about how many truth-tellers have a lot of people who disagree with them, and they thrive inspite of that. 

‎Jesus was disagreed with but He didn't change his opinion or stance because of that, neither did he retract his statements. 

‎And so here I am. 

‎I am overcoming the anxiety of being disagreed with.

The obsession of being 'liked'. The fear of being 'odd'. 

‎As someone who will stand before millions to speak, I am ready for contrary opinions, people who will hate or disagree with me for no reason, people who stand by THEIR opinions and not mine. 

‎I will develop thick skin. 

‎I will focus on WHY I do this. 

‎Not to win any popularity contests, but to tell at least ONE person, that they are enough and all will be well. 

‎Thick skin...activated.

Until next time

✍🏾

Itohan.