Is it a personality or fear?

WHAT HAVE I MISTAKEN FOR MY PERSONALITY THAT IS ACTUALLY A FEAR? 

Has something ever felt so familiar to you that you start to identify with it?

A friend's not-so-good behavior that rubs off on you, an environmentally nfluenced habit that just seemed right for the season but somehow never left, or a coping mechanism that became a brand that became too comfortable?. 

For me, the answer is Yes, yes, and yes. 

Fear is the mother of numerous coping mechanisms, and when they stay long enough they grow on you like a wart, and you just 'live with it'. 

For me.. It's PROCRASTINATION..

 dun dun dunnnn 🎶

I know that we are all siblings in this and as much as we try, it seems like this fella is here to stay. But not on my watch! 

Procrastination is a trait I mistake for a personality. A flaw.

But a personality. So, a personality flaw, if you may.

Something that is a part and parcel of me, something that trickles into everything I do, something that has come to stay and I have to live with instead of deal with. 

And that's my error. It is not who I am. It's just what I do. 

Procrastination was born out of fear.

Fear of failure.. What if I do it and I suck at it? What if it takes too much effort and I'm not up for it? What if I don't like it as much as I think I will? 

Fear of Success.. What if I'm great at it, and then the pressure increases to do more? How am I supposed to behave knowing that I'm capable of such great things? A lot of attention will be on me after I ace this and I can't handle that. So let me stick to the smaller tasks that will go unnoticed. 

FA FA FA FOUL! 

Or the most classic reason. Comfort. I just want to do something less demanding so I use minimal effort. So instead of getting up to read, I'd lay down and watch a movie. Instead of doing the laundry, I'd lay down and scroll on my phone. 

This has gone on for years, and anytime I try to beat it, the thought rises. 

"It's who you are, you just gotta live with it. You cannot fight yourself."

And then I thought.. Is this what my life is now? 

But in the words of Charlotte Dobre, 👇🏾

I am not a procrastinator! I refuse to identify and wear that brand as a badge! I refuse to let a stranger come into my life and affect me so much to the point of paralysis. I refuse to allow this stranger deprive me of all the great things that are set for me right achieve.. 

If I keep doing that, I will never rise above it. 

The trick to beating a negative thought or habit is to separate it from yourself. 

Treat it as a foreign body 

So.. Procrastination is what I do when I am afraid of something, it is not a part of me, neither is it my personality. 

Now, we tackle the fear that leads to procrastination. 

What exactly are you afraid of? 

How can we make it smaller? 

Someday I will talk about the fear of failure and the fear of success, both of which are important in every task, at every stage, and to everyone. 

So now, I break down my tasks into small doable units.

Writing this article was actually one of the tasks I had to do today, and I am so glad I got around to doing it.

Yay me 💃🏼💃🏼💃🏼

Everyday I will set myself up with itsy-bitsy tasks that will not overwhelm me, intentionally breaking free from a flesh-eating vermin that seeks to hold me down. 

So I ask you dearest gentle reader,

what have you mistaken for your personality that is actually born out of fear? 

Sometimes acknowledgment and recognition are the first steps to dealing with strange traits that have become too comfortable in your life. 

Introspect today, and take the first step to living the life you dream of, away from the invisible chains that hold you down.

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Until next time. 

Yours, dearly.