Outgrowing Friendship

 At some point in your life, you will look around and realize something uncomfortable:

The people you once felt closest to… no longer feel like home.

And the hardest part?

There’s no fight.

No betrayal.

No clear reason.

Just growth.

You need to recognize when you have outgrown friendships and circles. 

No hate. No shade. No enmity. Just growth. Evolution. 

When they said that you are the average of the five closest people in your life. I looked around me. 

When they said that you should not be the smartest in your circle and should surround yourself with people who are smarter or at the least as smart as you are. I looked around me. 

Do I have close friends? 

I thought about it. If I were to host a birthday party now. If my partner were to organize a surprise proposal for me today, who are the people I would expect to be present? If I want to discuss about a dream, an idea that I want to nurture, who do I trust to bear it with me? 

I came up blank. And this is no shade to anyone. 

Why? 

In my case, the answer is layered. But this is not about me, this is about something many of us experience but rarely admit:

Yes, you can outgrow your friends. And that's okay. 

The version of you that knew them in 100L, is likely not the version of you that is currently in play.. And it goes the same for them. You may evolve into different people who are no longer compatible. 

Proximity at the early stage of the friendship made you inseparable. Thick as thieves. But when you had the chance to grow apart. After graduation. When you no longer looked to them for validation. When you no longer had to mirror their reaction or their desire. When you are no longer in automatic sync, things change. 

Again, that's okay. 

It doesn't mean that you are now enemies. It simply means that you both(or you all) are evolving. 

It doesn't have to be just friends who met in school. A few months is enough to understand that a certain person no longer belongs in your life and there are a few signs/reasons.

1. They do not return the energy: When you realize that you are the only one watering the plant, and the other person neither reciprocates nor appreciates. You communicate. You make plans. They seem unenthusiastic. They take ages to return calls or messages and you KNOW they saw it. They make up excuses. No hate. Just pack up and bounce

2. They roll in different circles: See this part is tricky because sometimes the new circle is better for them, other times, they kick you to the curb because you no longer 'suit' them. Either way, you recognize your L and you move with grace. No hate. 

3. They ghost you: this is a classic. No explanations needed. Every relationship is fueled by communication, and if there's no longer communication despite your best efforts, you move with grace. 

4. Even when they talk to you, they seem to only like to repeat the 'good old days' story. Now that's fun. But if there's no sign that they are moving forward..you need to move. You cannot grow in constant nostalgia. 

Now here's why you may outgrow people. 

1. Your understanding of life is different. They may still be where they were and refuse to move. 

2. You can no longer point to a value they add to you, now this doesn't have to be a big thing but if your friendship isn't even making you feel good? What are you doing there? 

3. You realize that as you mature both in age and wisdom, you desire to be around people who match that element so as not to pull you down 

No hate. No shade. But growth. 

You see 20 friends cannot play for 20 years. And sometimes 2 friends cannot even play for 2 years but as soon as you realize that the outgrowing isn't a spite or an attack, you'd recognize how important it is to either grow together, or grow apart. 

Friendship is beautiful. It is the closest I have ever gotten to being loved and understanding how to love. So hold tight. But recognize when it starts to take more than it gives, and act accordingly. 

For you. For them. And for your future.