To Have and To Hold

 

"To Have and To Hold"

I never truly understood the meaning of this until yesterday after watching a stand up comedy performance by a man named Mark. 

What does it mean to have? 

Let me give an illustration.

Say, you have a phone. It's yours. You bought it because you liked it, its specifications, its functions and the fact that it suit your budget. Perfect. 

Say, after some time, that phone developed a scratch. A tiny scratch that could be fixed by a repair, a new pouch or you being extra careful with it. But what do you do instead? You dump it and get a new one. 

It still functioned properly, but it got a little dent, it yelled at you a little bit in a fit of anger, and boom! You got a replacement. 

What does it mean to hold? 

To stay with it. Knowing that one scratch doesn't take away the purpose, knowing that one yell, one moment of weakness doesn't take away the true essence and character. 

This is so in many of our relationships.

 Dating. 

Courting.

Friendship.

Marriage. 

We know how to have, but we are losing the capacity to hold. 

The idea of replaceability has consumed us so much that we do not believe in fixing things simply because 'there's someone better out there'. 

You have a new SUV, one month later a newer model comes out. There's nothing wrong with yours, but you suddenly develop a desire to 'upgrade' simply because the new one has an extra feature. A feature you will probably never use. A purchase you probably only want to make so you can show off. 

There will always be a newer model. There will always be a better man, a better woman, a richer man, a prettier woman. 

Why did you choose yours? 

Why did you have him/her? 

Why are you suddenly replacing them because of a minor misunderstanding? 

This is not to negate the fact that something major should definitely call for a replacement. 

Like if the whole panel stopped working, or the entire system packed up and it no longer served you.

Drained you.

Belittled, controlled, abused or disrespected you continuously.

Took more from you in repairs and damages than you deem fit, and even looks irreparable, definitely replace it (them). 

We need to restore our capacity to hold. To endure. To hold one another, and ourselves for the sake of the love that we claim to share. 

Now, I understand that it is not just enough to have, it is important to build the capacity to hold. TOGETHER. 

To have and to hold.. From this day forward.. Till death do us part. 

Now I ask you. Do you know how to hold what you have?