Growth so painful


Growing comes in different ways. 

Coming from a people pleasing first born child who craved validation her whole life and only believed that love was earned by sacrificing herself and her wants just to make others happy, growing up means that she gives 80% of herself, her money, her time to others and neglects herself. 

Basically, self-erasure

So this lady finds it difficult to do things for herself and thought it selfish or improper, but as soon as her family calls and needs something, she goes running, bending backwards, to please them. 

Because she had grown to believe that her worth was tied to how useful she was to them and how much she was willing to bend and break to please them. The 'appreciation' and joy that came from pleasing them gave her fulfilment and made her feel useful, validated and relevant. 

But afterwards, she was always miserable, feeling empty and terrible for neglecting herself and prioritizing others above her own needs. Emotional, financial and mental. 

Most recently, she had needed to buy herself some gym clothes, to join a gym and prioritize her health and wellness. She was conflicted about how expensive these clothes were and how it felt like a lot to spend on herself, but in a few days, she got a call and in the long run, spent triple the amount on them. 

Triple the amount she thought was too expensive to spend on herself. She gave them in a twinkle of an eye, and felt good while at it but as soon as she recovered, she remembered how she had refused to spend that money on her own nesds and did for others again. It hurt. She cried. 

Everytime she says she's going to get better, each time she falls again, but I don't know. Perhaps she will get better. 

But get this, recovering from people pleasing, as a first child and Selfnegecter, is one of the hardest things to do. 

How do you suggest this person breaks free from this cycle? To put herself first.. Because the people she is bending backwards for will ghost her in a split second when she ceases to be 'useful' (and they had done that before. For months at a time), so it's just complicated. 

What should she do? 

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